Toxic Masculinity , A Personal Observation By Brother Des
Date: Thursday 14 Sep 2017
I am man…hear me cry…
With World Suicide Prevention Week starting on 10th September, men, particularly those in their late 30’s/40’s are the most at risk group so I felt it was as good a time as any to post this blog which I’ve had in mind for months.
Some of the most destructive and disheartening things a male will hear growing up and throughout their life are “Be a man”, “big boys don’t cry” and one of my main hates “man up”. These are poisonous phrases which can (and do) have a profound effect on one's mental health.
These phrases can all be flung together under the banner of Toxic Masculinity. Perhaps this phrase is more commonly attributed to violence and misogyny however it is also used for these phrases that the vast majority of males will hear at least once in their formative years.
Men shouldn’t be afraid to show their feelings. It’s the bottling up of our emotions that can set you off on a pathway that will affect you and those close to you. The whole Yoda philosophy would apply…Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and so on. If you don’t show your feelings and bottle it up it can lead to all sorts of other feelings, resentment, loneliness, inadequacy etc.
It’s these feelings which can (and without a doubt have) made some of us think “I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to be here, the world is better without me”
Those closest to me will know that at my worst I have been in precisely this situation and have been at that point of no return. For me part of the reason for considering ending my life apart from some life circumstances was I felt I had no one to speak to, I felt alone, and this is in part due to the whole Toxic Masculinity ethos that still plagues society. Thankfully something stopped me, I’m not sure if it was the thought of leaving my children or just plain cowardice, but I’m still here and have had the same thoughts of ending my life over the years but thanks to support networks and family I haven’t felt that I would actually act upon them.
We as men shouldn’t be afraid to show our emotions, we shouldn’t be afraid to speak and share our feelings and open up when we feel it’s all becoming too much. It’s not a state of mind that we can just “snap out” of despite what people may say to you but all it takes is that one chat to open the floodgates be it a mate, family member, or a third party like the Samaritans or other equally helpful organisations and you’ll realise that there’s not one of us out there that hasn’t felt alone, inadequate or insecure in ourselves.
It’s hard taking that first step to talking about how you feel but when you do you’ll never look back, at least that’s my experience.
I am man…hear me cry…
Read more of Brother Des Musings on his Blog, Beating The Darkness HERE