Redefining Strength: How Men Are Navigating the Shift from Providers to Caregivers
Date: Tuesday 27 May 2025
"It stings your pride a little bit that your wife's the one out making all the money,"
Here in the quiet, let’s take a moment to sit with the weight of what money and power mean for men. It’s not just about the numbers in a bank account or the title on a business card. It’s about identity, pride, and the stories we’ve been told about what it means to be a man.
For generations, the idea of being the provider has been woven into the fabric of masculinity. To earn, to protect, to lead, these roles have been held up as markers of success and self-worth. But what happens when the world shifts, and those roles are no longer as clear-cut? What happens when a man finds himself in a home where his partner earns more, or when he steps back from work to care for his children? For many, it’s not just a change in circumstance, it’s a challenge to the very core of who they believe they are.
The research is clear: when men feel they’ve lost their footing as providers, it can sting deeply. Words like “disempowered” and “inadequate” come up again and again. Men like Dave, Tom, and Brendon from a recent BBC article on its effect on male self-esteem, whose voices echo through studies on male mental health, speak of judgment, both from others and from within. They describe the quiet shame of being seen as “less than,” of feeling their masculinity questioned because they’ve stepped outside the traditional mould.
And it’s not just about perception. The numbers tell a sobering story. Men out of work face higher rates of depression than women in the same position. When wives outearn their husbands, mental health diagnoses among men rise. Even relationship dynamics shift, with some men turning to infidelity as a misguided attempt to reclaim a sense of power. These patterns reveal how deeply the breadwinner narrative is etched into the male psyche—and how much it can cost when that narrative is disrupted.
But here’s the thing: these shifts, as painful as they can be, also hold the potential for something new. When men step back from paid work, they often step forward into their families. Stay-at-home dads spend more quality time with their children. Fathers who take paternity leave report stronger bonds with their partners and kids. These moments of connection, of presence, can reshape what it means to be a man, not as a provider, but as a nurturer, a partner, a father.
The world is changing, slowly but surely. Women are earning more, and with that comes a rebalancing of power in homes and workplaces. But the journey isn’t easy. Men, especially younger generations, are grappling with what this means for their identity. Some feel overburdened by the expectations of equality, while others cling to outdated notions of masculinity. The path forward requires not just policy changes, like Sweden’s “daddy month,” but also a cultural shift, a willingness to let go of old stories and write new ones.
This isn’t about erasing masculinity. It’s about expanding it. It’s about making room for men to be more than providers, to find value in caregiving, empathy, and partnership. It’s about recognising that strength isn’t just about earning power, it’s about the courage to adapt, to grow, to show up fully for the people we love.
So, as we sit here in this space, let’s ask: What would it look like to let go of the pressure to provide and embrace the freedom to connect? How might that shift not just our relationships, but our sense of self? And what steps can we take, as individuals and as a society, to support men in this transition?
Here, there’s no rush for answers. Just the quiet invitation to reflect.
Read the full article here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20250519-why-money-and-power-affects-male-self-esteem
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