How To Know If Therapy Is Actually Working
And how to know if therapy is actually working, according to mental health experts
Unlike the pop culture-perpetrated myth, there's more to therapy than just lying down on a couch
By Noma Nazish with Dr Julie Hanks, licensed therapist and Dr Monica Vermani clinical psychologist
Therapy can be a wonderful tool for healing and self-development. But when you're new to therapy, it's common to feel apprehension and uncertainty as you're essentially navigating unchartered territory.
One of the most basic things you might wonder when starting therapy is how to figure out if it's really working.
This can be slightly tricky to answer since there's more to therapy than simply lying down on a comfy couch and talking about your feelings.
It's a highly subjective and non-linear process that's hard to quantify. Moreover, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to therapy as different people have different battles, needs, goals, preferences, worldviews and experiences.
So it's not as simple as popping an aspirin when you have a headache. Because, unlike a symptomatic medication that only focuses on alleviating the symptoms, therapy is about identifying and addressing the underlying root cause of the problem.
That said, there are certain markers of progress and indicators of improvement that you can use to determine if therapy is actually helping. Here's how to tell if therapy is working for you, according to mental health experts:
#1 You're becoming more self-aware. Therapy helps you understand your needs, desires and choices as well as identify repeating negative patterns, says Dr Vermani. It also teaches you how to break those damaging blueprints and patterns by providing valuable coping skills to create healthier routines and make healthier and better choices, she explains. So if you find yourself gaining an awareness of your issues, symptoms and unhealthy patterns, you're very likely headed in the right direction.
#2 You're in better control of your emotions. You will be able to identify your emotions, manage them and express them in ways that enhance relationships, additionally, you begin to respond more thoughtfully in interactions and are less reactive to your close relationships.
#3 Your thinking will have shifted. You'll start having fewer negative or destructive thoughts and more positive, constructive ones, says Dr Vermani. This will help you feel freer to enjoy the present instead of being pulled into rumination about past experiences or worrying about the future, notes Dr Hanks. In addition, rather than fantasizing about things that aren’t attainable, you'll start developing realistic, reachable goals, says Dr Vermani.
#4 Your behaviours are changing for the better. "If you’re leaving unwanted habits behind and seeing the changes you wanted to make begin to happen, your therapy is working," says Dr Vermani. For example, if you entered into therapy to become more assertive and you’re beginning to establish personal boundaries and stand up for yourself, you're making progress.
#5 You're kinder to yourself. Your self-talk will become more compassionate, says Dr Hanks. So you'd begin to embrace your imperfections and be patient with yourself instead of being overly critical and judgemental. You'll also notice that your self-esteem is growing and self-doubts diminishing, says Dr Vermani. Instead of feeling inadequate or ascribing your self-worth to external validation, you'd be able to accept and value yourself from within.
#6 Your relationships with others have improved. Therapy can facilitate healthy communication with yourselves and other people by equipping you with the tools and skills required to effectively communicate your wants and needs and work through issues in your relationships, says Dr Vermani. So if you notice your existing relationships are getting stronger or you're able to forge new ones more easily, that's a positive sign.
#7 People are noticing the positive changes in you. If your friends, family members or coworkers are noticing the changes and acknowledging your progress, believe what they're saying as they're seeing the results of your hard work, says Dr Vermani.
#8 You "click" with your therapist. You'll feel that you can talk openly with your therapist about your worries, concerns, fantasies and goals. You'd also be able to give your therapist direct feedback. "It’s important to have a connection with your therapist because a strong client-therapist relationship is the single most important factor that predicts positive therapeutic outcomes," says Dr Hanks.
How to get the most out of every therapy session:
Regardless of what type of therapy you're seeking or where you're in your healing journey, experts say keeping these key tips in mind will make your sessions more wholesome and rewarding:
- Be open and honest with the therapist. A therapist is only as good as you allow them to be. "Be honest with your therapist about how therapy is going, any concerns you have in the process if you feel that your therapist isn’t really 'getting' you or if you feel misunderstood," says Dr Hanks. "Only through providing your therapist with a clear picture of what you're struggling with can they effectively help you address your issues and help you create the change you're seeking," agrees Dr Vermani. Also, be clear about what you want to accomplish from therapy. Set clear goals and expectations with your therapist, adds Dr Hanks.
- Give therapy a fair chance. "If you are sceptical or resistant to the process, you’ll slow down or block your own progress. This will only compound your problems," says Dr Vermani. "If you want to learn to drive, for example, you wouldn’t give up after one or two uncomfortable or scary sessions behind the wheel. You'll take the time and make the effort to learn," she notes. Similarly, therapy needs time, effort, patience and determination as well. It's a dynamic process of learning and growing, adds the psychologist.
- Do your "homework" assignments outside of sessions. "Most of the change you experience will happen outside of the therapy office," says Dr Hanks. In order to tap into life-changing results, it's important to put into use what you learn in therapy. "Therapy is work! It requires commitment and active participation," agrees Dr Vermani. So be diligent about completing whatever assignment your therapist gives you to practice the new skill or coping technique in your daily life.
- Be specific. "Keep your sessions focused on your counselling goals by being as specific as possible during your sessions. If it helps, bring notes or other materials to refer to and ensure you get to the things you wanted to discuss," says Dr Vermani. In addition, "tell your therapist when a strategy isn’t working or when you’ve slipped up," she suggests.
- Give clear feedback to your therapist. Therapy is an interactive process. If you feel your therapist’s approach isn’t working out for you or if you have questions about their therapy style or strategy, don’t hesitate to give them your feedback, says Dr Vermani. "It’s important that you feel heard, validated and understood," she notes.
It's crucial to keep in mind that therapy is not a quick fix. "[It] can last for months or even years, depending on the issues you want to work on and the therapist's theoretical orientation," says Dr Hanks. "It can sometimes take several sessions for your therapist to complete their assessment and treatment plan and have an overall picture of what brought you in and where you need to go to find healing," she explains.
However, if you feel like you've given therapy a fair try and it still doesn't seem to be helping, Dr Vermani suggests talking to your therapist about it. "Your therapist is there to support and assist you she says. "Don’t give up on therapy. Even more important, don’t give up on yourself," she adds.
