Social Anxiety in Men: What it is and How to Overcome It

Written by Dr. Bradford Stucki, medically reviewed by Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, PhD

You deserve to live well, without the burden of social anxiety.

What is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is an intense fear of social situations where one may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others, causing significant distress and impaired ability to function in daily life.

Individuals with social anxiety worry about being embarrassed, humiliated, or rejected by others, leading to avoidance of social interactions and activities. The fear can be so intense that a person feels it is beyond their control. It can severely impact relationships, work, and overall well-being. Social anxiety is quite common and affects about 1 in 16 guys. Social anxiety can affect us at any point throughout our lives but is most common for adults between the ages of 18-29 years old.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

Symptoms include:

• Feeling self-conscious or fearing that people will judge you negatively

• Fear that you’ll act in ways that will embarrass or humiliate yourself

• Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous

• Avoiding eye contact with others

• Feeling awkward around others

• Being easily embarrassed

• Feeling one’s “mind going blank” or feeling sick to one’s stomach when around others

• Avoiding places where there are other people

• Experiencing increased heart rate, stomach pains, or tenseness in one’s body when around others

• Panic attacks (very intense periods of overwhelming fear where your heart is racing, you feel the world is caving in, and like you’re going to die)

Note, symptoms of social anxiety need to be present for at least six months before they can be diagnosed by a mental health professional.

Examples of Thoughts a Man with Social Anxiety May Have

“I always freeze up when meeting new people. I won’t have anything to say. I’ll seem boring. I know I’ll end up looking like a fool.”

“I always stumble over my words during work presentations, no matter how long or how many times I prepare. My voice will start shaking and I’ll humiliate myself. My boss is going to think I’m an idiot. I’m going to lose my job because of this.”

“No one else is wearing a coloured tie, everyone is going to be looking at me. People will think I’m stupid. I knew I shouldn’t have come. I don’t fit in anywhere.”

Isn’t Social Anxiety Just Being Shy?

Not quite. When you feel shy, you’re likely to still be able to be present in social settings and tolerate your discomfort. On the other hand, with social anxiety, you are more likely to view social settings as things to avoid, dread, or endure – as they almost always cause intense symptoms like those listed above.

For example, if you are frequently worrying about an upcoming social event for days or even weeks leading up to it, that’s more indicative of social anxiety than simply being shy. You may notice your heart beating faster each time you think of the event, find yourself ruminating about what you will say to others, and how you will act, and/or you may experience panic attacks related to these thoughts.

Strategies to Overcome Social Anxiety

While symptoms of social anxiety can be stubborn and at times overwhelming, social anxiety can be managed and treated.

Try Using Self-Help Resources

There are a variety of self-help books, podcasts, and workbooks you can find online to begin to make changes in the way we think about or approach a social situation and setting goals to engage in social situations. Here are some resources to consider:

Self-help books

The Intrusive Thoughts Toolkit: Quick Relief for Obsessive, Unwanted, or Disturbing thoughts: Excellent resource of over 35 strategies to manage intrusive thoughts.

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model: Offers a different way of conceptualizing your thoughts.

Podcasts

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris: Explores happiness from different perspectives, focusing on social anxiety, meditation, and relationships.

Social Anxiety Solutions – your journey to social confidence: Host Sebastiaan van der Schrier shares his journey of working through social anxiety.

The Social Anxiety Society: A podcast from a psychologist with social anxiety who provides ideas and suggestions about managing social anxiety.

The Social Ninjas: Explores two men’s journeys of struggling and overcoming social anxiety.

Workbooks

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook: Contains research-backed activities and education for managing your social anxiety.

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Explores a specific way of approaching unwanted thoughts.

Try therapy

If you find yourself hitting a wall when trying to manage social anxiety on your own, working with a psychotherapist can be life-changing. Many men have been socially conditioned to not ask for help or have been told they are “weak” if they can’t sort out challenges on their own. Seeking therapy is similar to going to the doctor for a broken bone or to a dentist for a filling. Seeking expert services to help us live well is simply the logical thing to do.

Talk therapy offers a way to understand yourself better and manage social anxiety. Conversationers provide expert, non-judgmental advice and support. Sharing your experiences becomes easier and without judgment.

Therapy is not a life-long commitment. Think of it as a short-term investment of 3-12 months. The duration depends on the depth of the issues and your effort in addressing them. Embrace the challenge; the benefits are life-changing. Your future self will be grateful.

Look for Support Groups

Don’t want to go at it alone? Support groups are another excellent way to connect with other men who are experiencing similar social fears. Support groups are accessible online or in-person and may be run by a therapist (therapy group) or community member (peer support group). It can be a challenge to find support groups, so try reaching out to community agencies in your area, ask a mental health professional, or search online for options.

More info on how to find a men’s support group here

Consider Medication

Severe social anxiety can hinder basic daily tasks. Medications might help if you’re open to them. Consult your family doctor or a psychiatrist. Though side effects exist, medications can manage symptoms effectively. They also help you engage in self-exploration to understand and overcome social anxiety.

Conclusion

If you are experiencing overwhelming worries about and challenges in social settings, you are not alone. Many guys have gone through and overcome similar issues. Don’t accept social anxiety as “just something that I deal with” or “something that’s always been there”. You deserve to live well, without the burden of social anxiety. Reach out to a mental health professional to get started on your path to living your best life.

Content source here: https://headsupguys.org/social-anxiety-in-men-what-it-is-and-how-to-overcome-it/