A Grieving Father's Letter, A Heartfelt Farewell

Date: Thursday 21 Nov 2024

This letter is about another kind of feeling, one that will never vanish.

Sometimes I feel that you’re right here beside me. I hear you talking to me–like right now I just heard you say, “Dad, I hate it when you sound so sad. That’s the worst.”

Forever Trying to Rescue You is a grieving father's letter to his son, Rob, who took his own life. The letter opens with Rob's poignant last words to his father, shared just a day before his tragic decision.

Larry Carlat reflects on their final day together, filled with light-hearted conversations that masked Rob's deeper struggles with mental wellbeing, substance abuse, and overwhelming debt. Despite witnessing these challenges, Carlat expresses feelings of helplessness and a desire to rescue Rob from his pain.

“Dear Rob, 'I love you, Dad.' Those are the last words you said to me the day before you took your own life. They’re also the last words you said to me in the first letter I wrote to you in a magazine article 24 years ago. Back then you were 'Robbie' and I was 'Daddy.' I never thought I could love you more than I did. Yet, I never imagined I’d be writing this letter to you now.”

Grief is a complex journey, often marked by love and regret. Carlat's heartfelt letter, originally published in Esquire, poignantly illustrates this struggle. Following Rob's decision to take his own life, Carlat reflects on their last moments together. His words resonate deeply, revealing the profound impact of mental wellbeing challenges that often go unnoticed.

In his letter, Carlat recalls Rob's last words: "I love you, Dad." These words, spoken just a day before tragedy struck, highlight the disconnect between outward appearances and inner turmoil. Their final day was filled with light-hearted conversations, masking Rob's deeper struggles. This narrative emphasises the importance of recognising the signs of distress in loved ones, even when they seem to be thriving.

“I’d give anything to have one more day of worrying about you.” Carlat's reflections reveal a father's helplessness and desire to rescue his son from pain. He longs for just one more day to support Rob, showcasing their intense bond. Carlat states, “I loved Zach and Mom with all my heart, but there was something especially intense about my love for you.” This sentiment underscores the unique relationship between a parent and child, filled with both joy and heartache.

“It sucks being scared of someone you love.” While Carlat's letter captures the depth of grief, it also highlights the urgent need for open conversations about mental wellbeing. Society often stigmatises discussions surrounding emotional struggles, leaving many to suffer in silence. By fostering an environment where individuals feel safe to express their feelings, we can create a supportive network that encourages self-exploration and healing.

To honour the memory of those who have taken their own lives, we must take action. Here are steps we can implement:

• Encourage open dialogues about mental wellbeing in families and communities.

• Provide resources for self-exploration and support through conversation channels.

• Promote awareness campaigns that destigmatise mental wellbeing discussions.

• Support organisations that focus on men's emotional wellbeing, like Brothers in Arms.

Understanding grief and the complexities of love is essential. Carlat's letter serves as a powerful reminder of the need for compassion and support. Let us commit to fostering a culture where individuals feel empowered to seek help and share their struggles. Together, we can create a world where no one feels alone in their pain. For further insights, read the full article titled Forever Trying to Rescue You, published on November 19, 2024.