Men Don’t Cry-Myths about the mental health of men and boys

Date: Thursday 10 Mar 2022

by Marie Miguel-The Good Men Project

Our society has a bad history of telling young boys to “buck up” and repress their heavy emotions. From a young age boys are taught not to show emotion, express pain or feel sensitive about events that occur in their life. As a result, men feel less comfortable talking about their feelings later in life, which can cause conflict in their relationships, and lead to serious challenges with mental health.

The idea that men don’t cry or have the same complicated emotions that women do is a dangerous falsity that needs to be put to rest. Research has found clear links between cultural stigmas around mental health, and how it’s affecting men and boys. Family dynamics, media and traditional ideologies can all push an unhealthy narrative that puts pressure on men and boys to push down emotions, refuse to seek help, and struggle with mental health difficulties internally.

In recent years, the mental health conversations have been more centred around the mental health of men and boys. The results are in and, you guessed it, men do cry. Men have feelings. Men deserve to feel like they can show their emotions. Their mental health symptoms can sometimes look different than it does in women, which can also lead to men and boys going longer without a proper diagnosis. When left untreated, men will sometimes self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms as they move through life.

If you or a loved one is struggling to express emotions or think you may have a mental health disorder, it’s time to reach out for help. Speaking to loved ones you trust or a therapist can help get you started toward healing, growth and change. Though it can take time to learn how to work through emotions in healthy ways, it’s never too late to start.

Shame Doesn’t Work

Men and boys should be encouraged to talk about their feelings from a young age. Doing so can help them reduce the stigma that they may face later in life. By communicating effectively about feelings and boundaries, boys will be more prepared to explore emotions as they come up in adulthood. Men that are able to reflect on their thoughts and feelings, vocalize them effectively are more likely to reach out for support when it’s needed.

The evidence is clear – shaming boys and men into repressing their feelings doesn’t work. Not only do the feelings not go away, they can come back in a more explosive way as a result of it. Without the skillset to regulate emotions effectively, boys can be more likely to lash out in anger. They may also develop aggressive tendencies, and feel unable to calm themselves down during times of conflict.

Without proper intervention, these habits can follow children into adulthood. What was once a young boy throwing a toy, may be a grown man punching a wall. These emotional outbursts can be dangerous for their relationships, and to themselves. Men may also bottle down emotions and feelings in their relationships, which can lead to resentment and distance from their partners. They may also struggle to work through conflict efficiently and openly with their partner.

Men and boys are also a lot less likely to reach out for help when they’re dealing with mental health challenges. Globally, the rate of suicide is two to four times higher in men than it is in women. Since some men feel that mental health struggles are a sign of weakness, they will likely deal with difficult emotions silently.

Feelings Are Healthy And Important

Feelings exist for a reason – they’re important! Our feelings help us understand how we relate to a situation, and give us insight on what’s important to us. Our emotions are an important part of our experience as human beings, and it’s important to recognize them as they appear. Not only do some men hide emotions of sadness, but joy and happiness as well. Allow yourself to feel things! Be excited, acknowledge your nerves, embrace your confusion. All of your emotions are valid and worth exploring.

If you’re looking to start working through emotions more effectively as a man, start small. Self-care activities can be one way to gain better insight on how you’re feeling, which will allow you to share it with other people. This can include journaling your thoughts in a notebook, practising meditation, or finding activities that help you feel calm and relaxed. These activities may feel new at first, but over time they can help you feel more comfortable in how you work through emotion.

It’s important that we begin to challenge the silent epidemic of mental health struggles in boys and men. As parents, siblings and lovers of boys and men, encouraging them to be open about their feelings is a must. It’s also important to support them if they choose to seek professional help, and find ways to show up for them while they’re on their mental health journey. No one should feel like they have to be alone while they work to better their emotional wellbeing.

Content source: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/men-dont-cry-bh/