Brothers need Sisters, 7 ways to help if your boyfriend is suffering from mental health problems
Date: Wednesday 08 Nov 2017
Here's how you can help if your man in your life is suffering with depression and anxiety
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Men’s health problems – particularly mental health issues – have been a big topic this year, largely thanks to campaigns spearheaded by Princes William and Harry, such as Heads Together. But what should you do if your boyfriend or husband is suffering from mental health problems? Here are some tips on how to help the man in your life through difficult time.
Seeing your loved one struggle with their mental health can leave you at a loss as to what to do and how to help. Your boyfriend may feel distant, uninterested and at times even agitated, but you mustn’t put too much pressure or blame on yourself for how he’s feeling. Equally, you mustn’t blame him for how he’s feeling either
here are some simple things you can do to help him out and make him feel loved.
Communication is key with men’s health
Don’t push him
It is important to generate open and relaxed conversation with your loved one. On a good day, your boyfriend may want to speak openly and frankly about his feelings, but on other days, he may just say a few words or seem very defensive. If you pressure him, he will withdraw and not answer at all. You may not even need to speak, a hug can sometimes say far more than a list of questions.
Don’t overthink things
When you see your boyfriend suffer, it can definitely have an effect on you – this is completely natural, but there’s no way to know the exact causes of his thoughts and behaviour, and there is no point in getting worked up or anxious trying to guess. Of course, this is easier said than done, but try and take a ‘scientific approach’ where you only allow yourself to think about reasons or causes which have evidence to support them (for example, if he specifically mentioned something). With male sufferers of mental health problems – namely depression or anxiety – angry and irrational outbursts are common. Try your best not to take it personally if this happens, and remember that his behaviour may very well be irrational, but is caused by an underlying issue and not directly by you
Respect his privacy
If your boyfriend has confided in you, he has made a leap into the unknown. It requires extreme bravery for anyone to speak out about how they are feeling, because most of us have some sense of fear about how other people will judge us for it. While you might feel uncomfortable dealing with these topics and could be tempted to ask advice of friends, it is important to respect that he has trusted you and may not wish to broadcast these feelings to others.
Remind him of his value
When dealing with depression or anxiety, a key symptom is a skewed sense of reality. This perception will establish certain negative core beliefs about oneself, such as ‘nobody loves me’ or ‘I’m useless.’ By gaining an understanding of these negative core beliefs, you can keep reminding him, with evidence, that these beliefs are not true. Subtle reminders such as writing notes or complimenting him will go a long way. You may feel that he isn’t listening or it won’t make a difference, but it really is a glimmer of light in what is a very dark place for him.
Little gestures go a long way
When depressed, the smallest of tasks can seem enormous, even getting out of bed. It’s easy to get caught up in helping your boyfriend with big gestures, but you shouldn’t underestimate everyday tasks. Even something like making dinner will take a huge amount of weight from his shoulders. Encouraging him to engage with these tasks is important too, but don’t be resentful if he doesn’t react
Remind him that help is out there